he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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