I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
