My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
