Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
