I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
