just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we're so committed to being not committed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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