If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
