It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
