Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
