I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
