The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
