Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
