Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!