I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol