Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have poison ivy on my dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.