Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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