I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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