Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
operation harelip BJ is a go
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
