thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
