i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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