I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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