drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
