I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I had to cum in my sink.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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