Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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