mondays should just be called national damage control day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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