Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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