see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
