don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
