I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
