woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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