I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i came on her dog
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
