my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
