I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
