I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
