i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
