Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
