The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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