party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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