just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think people are normalizing furries
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.