turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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