shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
