so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Congratulations! We have a period
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