I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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