dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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