ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
