i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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