What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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