he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
