Dual....:-)
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
