Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
