seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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