And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
