She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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