i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
