Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
