if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
