my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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