I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
