I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
