Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
