CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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