your parents love me but you hate me
are you still at the devil's house?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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