What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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