I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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