it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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